Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I got it!!

After thinking about it, I came up with the solution to this whole problem. Since we as a nation would like to know where all the S.O. are in our country let put a big S on their forehead.No matter what kind of crime they did.  That way they are mark for all to see, and if we do that I would like to know where all the drug dealer are.. so a big D can go on their head. And lets not stop there. How about Alcoholics.. a big A.  That way if some one were to look at you funny you will know what kind of person they are.

But I think we need to go even further,  I would like to know who the people are that Judge others. a big J.. and how about liars. "L" and two face people "2", 

No mater what they have done, lets make their life a miserably hell also.. it is only fair.

If we want to label S.O. then I say lets label everyone. That way you can feel safe when a stranger walks into to the room.

As a Nation we are getting carried away. The next time you see someone who you don't know, just think about it, They could be any of those that I mention above, But they could also have grown up since they did the crime, but they will always be mark for life.  This could be your son, husband, father, or even you sister, mother. This person is not a stranger to you but they are to others. Would you want your love one to walk around with this mark on their head for life?  Would you not want our country to give your love one another chance?

With all the mark on everyone head; it reminds me of Dr.Seuss, the Sneetches

That the Sneetches got really quite smart on that day.
The day they decided that Sneetches are Sneetches.
And no kind of Sneetch is the best on the beaches.
That day, all the Sneetches forgot about stars and whether
They had one, or not, upon thars.”
—The Sneetches

if only we all can live like the Sneetches. All in peace. But that is a dream on another planet 

Friday, May 27, 2011

What do I want to change in the law?

I have been giving this a lot thought.

1. To do away with the register. And here why: they do not keep it up to date. They don't tell you what all the person did. For example it might say "had sex with a minor". What it doesn't tell you: that he was 19 at the time, his girlfriend was 16. And he is now 35 years old. Why does he still need to be on the list?

2. They need help. People on drug get help. I have seen it in court. If you go thought re-hap they will let you go. So why can't SO? Why do they have to go to prison to get help? Arkansas is about the only state to offer help. Which is good But ,why can't they get help first?

I also would like to say. I know what my son did was bad. He does need to do his time in prison. But at the same time i wish he could get help first without having to go to prison to get it

After reading and learning so much about the law and how it effect not only the SO but.
their family. Well it just breaks my heart. Once they have done their time they should be able
to get on with their life. The ones who should be on the list are the dangerous one. The one who kidnap, rape over and over, kill. We don't put drug dealers on a list. Wouldn't you like to know who is selling drugs to your kids?

I have a question for you. How many times in the day do you see someone who you don't trust?. Just by the way he looks. Acts. Or just because?. Does that make that person a bad person..... No but in your eyes you don't trust him. Did you know that person is loved by others. His family. He could be someone dad. Brother, Uncle. Or best friend. He is just a stranger to you. Give that person a smile or just say hi. See what happen. I bet not a damn thing but you just might get a smile or hi back. Remember don't judge until you know the whole story

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

my heart

My heart is in Conway jail.

I got a phone call today from the Gov. Beebe's office. I have talked to this guy before. He is just doing his job, but at least my letter are getting read.
I just wish I could find someone with Compassion, someone who will look at the person and not the crime.
The only one who truly understand are the one going though them self or with there own family.

I keep fighting, but am I doing any good? Is it going to be worth it? All this sadness I live every day, will it end?

I know I and many other in my shoes all have a long road ahead of us, some have been on this road longer then I have.. but I am tried of this road, with the dirt, bumps, rocks and things in the way, I want my nice smooth, flat, sunny shining road back.

By the way: Just to add to my heart ache,  I might have to put down my 12 year old Golden Ret/mix. We got her 11 years ago from the pound. She has cancer in the month. I have paid 300.00 for the vet to removed it, but it came back fast. Now I could paid another 400.00 to have her upper jaw removed or put her down.

Just kick me when I.m down.. It doesn't hurt as much.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

is it a bad dream or is it an April fool joke ??

How did we get where we are at?
March 31 the night before April fools day. 9:30 I get a phone call from the Conway county jail telling me that my son is making a collect call. At first I though he had found a program to make it seem like a collect call. That would be something he would do. When I start talking to him I can't tell if he is laughing or crying. It doesn't take me long to realize that he is crying and this is for real.

You know when they said your life can change in a moment. Well it can.

He keep calling us over and over because we only got one minute a phone call. Then they wouldn't let us talk until we put money on an account. We called the jail to tell them to tell him about his one free phone call. So we finally got to talk to him about what was going on.

By10:30 we had a lawyer. Told him everything would be OK. That is one phone I never want to get. Never though I would get. Still after one year can't believe we are living this nightmare.

The next day we meet with the lawyer. We could not see our son but the lawyer could. He went and talk to him. The next day was his first of many court appearance. His bond was going to be set that day. I was not looking forward to seeing him in the black and White jumpsuit but at the same time I needed to be strong for him and me. I wanted to see my baby boy. To give him a hug. To tell him that someone made a mistake and this will all go away.

They would not bring the inmate to the court room that day. But had them on camera. I got to see my son on TV. In hand cuff. Took every thing I had to hold it together. After his bond was set. We got the paper work done and waited for him
to walk out of jail. The first words out of his month was sorry. I told him he didn't need to tell me. I knew he was. I just wanted him home

We had to stop by the college to get his stuff. The college is the one who turned him in. His phone and backpack was at the college Police station. We had plan on going by getting his stuff. His keys. Going to eat as we were getting hungry.

When we got to the college Police they would not let us out of their sight. My son had to sign paper that he would not step foot back on campus. We had to go with a police officer to his apartment to clean it out right now. Thank goodness I had a big car and so did my son. As we were not aloud to come back the next day.

And that is how the nightmare started. And I can't seem to stop having the same dream over and over again. Someone please wake me up and tell me it was just a dream or a bad April fool joke

My letter got read

I write a new letter once a week to about 40 Legislator people. This is my letter that I email out this Monday. 

As you can tell I write it for one size fit all..

I understand you are a busy person with a lot on your plate. I would love to be able to set down with you and talk about the Sex offender laws. Your time is limited so I will write you this letter. 

August is when the new law goes into effect that will be letting some of the prisoner go. How about Sex Offender? How about the one who didn't do anything that was real bad.

(1) The "Romeo & Juliet cases", when a young man ends up on the registry for having a consensual relationship with a "barely underage" girlfriend;

(2)  Juveniles on the registry, and especially children who are treated as criminals for "playing doctor" with a young friend;

 (3) Absurd cases, especially people who are on the registry for public urination, breast feeding, or "mooning.

(4) The Under 25 age who were looking at porn. Their life just getting started.

All of these people are on the Sex Offender list.  I wish there was some way you could make a law where "one size fits all" but the laws doesn't work that way.

My 21 year old son has been setting in Conway jail waiting for room to open up in Pine Bluff  to get evaluated. He was in college when he got caught looking at underage porn. Just like any other 21 year old male.  He would have been a candidate for a rehab class. Instead he has to go to prison for the rehab class. Then for the next 15 years or life be a registered sex offender for a level one. The more I find out about the Evaluating at Pine Bluff, They will make him a level 3, because they will THINK he might do worse.

I am learning more every day about Sex Offenders. The ones who scare me the most are the one who rape underage kids, The ones who kidnap kids, The ones who victimize kids.

Please, would you take part of your time and look at this law on Sex Offenders. The ones on the list who don't need to be on it. Try to make their life a little easier.  The level 1 and 2, let them do their time and let them go on with their life.

Thank you for reading my letter. That part mean a lot to me.
Jane Smith
Then I get a email from another Senator,

Dear Mrs.Smith

I am very sorry to hear about the issues you are dealing with in regards to your son.

If I am not mistaken, I have responded to you before.  However, I am copying our senate staff in this response so that we can review our files to see what action or response we may or may not have taken.

It seems to me that your story is best heard during a committee meeting so that your opinions may be recorded and considered by the legislature.  Would you be willing to testify in front of a legislative committee about your concerns?

Our staff will do a review and get back with me about the status of any prior response.  I hope you will also advise me if you would like to testify in front of a committee about this.

Also, have you contacted your own senator or representative about this?

Respectfully,
Senator R. J.

   YES,, I  would love to speak in from of the committee and have at least two other people who would love to be heard also.
I will do whatever I can do get the word out of this.
 You are not the only one I write to, I send my letters to about 40 committee members.

Thank You so much for giving me this opportunity.

Jane Smith

Mrs. Smith

Since you are willing to testify, I will ask the staff to help identify the best opportunity for you to do so.  The legislature is not in session at this time, but there may be an opportunity for you to speak to this matter before and interim committee.

Thanks,
 Respectfully,
Senator R.J.

The Senator

Just got off the phone with The Senator Sue
Like talking to a brick wall.  She started telling me about the ONE place in US that monitories for active over the net.  I could not get a word in,, to tell her maybe we need more than ONE place.

I guess they caught a couple in TX who had a great business going with taken picture of kids and selling them. That’s great. I told her, That is the bad people we need to be going after.

I brought up that I  heard of a church  (http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/)  who isn’t letting one man in the child care area,  so what they are saying is that EVERY MAN in the US is a bad guy.

That Maine passed a law where if you are starring at a kid you could be arrested. She tell me we are not Maine..  NO we are not but it won’t take us long to get there if we don’t do something about it now.

I told her that 80% of the internet is porn.. She asked me who is the one person  that is more likely to offender on a child. I said someone the child knows..   NO a teenage boy.  (now I have never heard that one before and find it hard to believe.  But since I didn’t have any facts on this, I didn’t say anything.)

I did tell her that my Sister in law who is a social worker for kids. Is still willing to let my son see her two little girls. His cousin,,,, who love him dearly. He is like the Uncle you wish you could have. Plays with them,, picks on them. Play videos game.. reads to them. He is great with kids.  Now if she is still able to truth my son with her two girls, then he can’t be all that bad.

She did tell me that she will not be running again in 2013   YEA!!  LOL    But I told her that I would like for her to think before she signs a bill,, that is all I am asking.

She had to leave as her daughter was calling.. or that is what she was telling me.. Maybe I was getting to her. LOL

Monday, May 23, 2011

Excited Scared Nervous

Excited scared nervous

Just three words. Big words I feel all three tonight. Wrote my letter for the week today. Sent it out by email. I know some won't see it until tomorrow.

As you know I have been talking to a Senator by email. I know she has strong view on this subject. Well so do I.

After I sent out my letter I got an reply back from her. All it said was call me soon. Now I am not going to think bad things. I am just hoping that I can make her see the other side. To know that just because you look does not make you want to touch. And I know both are bad. The law thinks they caught a bad guy before he did something really wrong.

If the law would just read the facts. All the research that has been done. They would understand but they don't want the facts.

I just hope that when I do call her. She will have an open mind and hear what I have to say.

Now I just hope I can come across as someone who knows what they are talking about.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

.One small step.......

  As you know I write a letter to about 40 people. One wrote me back.

If I can change her mind or at least make her think before she passes a bill.. then I have won a battle maybe not the war.. but one small step at a time.


I have Common sense.  I can tell right from wrong. The Sex Offender laws are messed up. Someone really needs to look into them.
  
1. When some needs help with alcohol addiction they go to AA. When a drug user needs help, he can go to NA. When someone needs help with Porn, where do they go? If  they go to a Dr, then the Dr. has to report it. How is this right? The person was trying to get help.
  
2.  People don't believe that someone wants to just look at underage porn. This is all they want to do, they don't have any desire to touch a kid. I Know it is wrong to look, so put them in jail, but do they have to register afterwards? I do believe only Level 3 and 4 need to register, and then it should be based on each case.
   
3. When you are convicted for a sexual crime you get labeled Level 1, level 2 etc. But Pine Bluff can change it  to whatever level they want. By reading the rules on the different levels someone who should be a level 1 could walk out as a Level 3 Just because Pine Bluff thinks they might do something worse. Well then if they do, then make them a level 3 but not until they do the crime.  If everyone is automatically a  level 3, then How do you get to be a level 1. just by Thinking of looking at Porn? Again common sense.
     
 4.  I have a question for you. You tell me who do you want walking on the street. A guy who did his time, got help. Now has a job. A family. Or someone who can't get a job because he has a label, who can't get a house, now you tell me. Who is going to mess up? And who do you want as a neighbor? I hope I made you think on this one.
    
 3.5 % of sex offenders go back to prison compared to 30% for Drug related crimes. Who are the bad people here?
    
I am willing to talk about this to anyone. And I just hope this letter come across your desk.
By the way.. who am I? The mother of a soon to be S.O. My son is 21, all he did was look at underage porn.  Where is his second chance?

From:  Sue
 Looking at underage porn means a child was victimized. The pictures are of real children, when people pay "just to look" as you say, they are creating a market that results in more children being victimized.

From: Jane Smith

I understand that, but at the same time  why not go after the people who take the picture. When they arrest people who do drug they also get the person who sold the drug. They have sting operation for child porn but they get the guy who was viewing it but not who put it up.  We need to put a stop to this or its going to get worst.  Then you will have over the male population as being a Sex offender.

By the way, yes I know it is wrong for my son to look but he would never victimized a child. He is only 21. Just like any other male,, He just wanted to look at porn.

From Sue
It is extremely hard to figure out where the people are located who are taking pictures of these children.  The National Center for Missing and Abused Children in Alexandria, Virginia has people on staff whose full time job is to look at these photos and try to figure out where the children pictured are located.  They do that all day long. Sometimes they figure it out and rescue the children.  Most times they don't

I know you are upset about your son.  I have a son too.  And a daughter.  They make mistakes.  Your son is lucky to have caring parents.  Try to understand the other side of this problem.  Somebody's son or daughter is being sexually abused...for profit.

I assume you have an attorney for your son--perhaps if would be helpful if he could provide his sources.  Sue

From Jane
I do understand both sides. I have a daughter who is about to go to college, I also have two young nieces. I do care about the safety of the kids, but a lot of time the pictures that are on the internet are from other countries, Why can't we stop it from getting over to here?

 I know my son real well, I know he would benefit more from getting help just like anyone else who is caught the first time with drugs or alcohol. As a country we have AA and Drug rehabs for a first time offender if he/she chooses. Why not a Sex offender? Especially the ones who didn't harm a child or was having sex with their underage partner. There are really bad Sex offender. Those are the one we need to be watching.

All I am asking, if a bill comes up please look at it carefully and think of me and my son. My son has already learned his lesson, but he is going to have to pay for it for the rest of his life. That part I don't think is right. He is only 21. Let him and other like him live a decent life.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

I should be happy

Tomorrow is a big day in our family. My daughter is going to be Graduating with honors.  I am very  proud of her but at the same time I keep thinking that her brother won't get to see her, nor will he be setting by us to watch her walk across the stage.  I know he was his choose to be where he is but that doesn't make it any better.

As a mother I was never one to take away their phone, or car keys when they got into trouble. I would talk to them, tell them what they did wrong, the right way they should of done it. After talking to them I would then know they would never do it again and had learned the listen.

With him in jail,,and me knowing he has learned his listen. this is hard to watch him still setting in the corner.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

A sample letter

 I though I would put on here one of my letters,This is the one that will go out tomorrow. I will change some of it around depending on who I am sending it to. but thought you might like to read it. 
One more thing.. I get to see my son tomorrow. =)


I might not write this letter the correct way, or I might even misspell words. What I do know is that I have is Common sense.  I can tell right from wrong. The Sex Offender laws are messed up. Someone really needs to look into them.

1. When some needs help with alcohol addiction they go to AA. When a drug user needs help, he can go to NA. When someone needs help with Porn, where do they go? If  they go to a Dr, then the Dr. has to report it. How is this right? The person was trying to get help.

2.  People don’t believe that someone wants to just look at underage porn. This is all they want to do, they don’t have any desire to touch a kid. I Know it is wrong to look, so put them in jail, but do they have to register afterwards? I do believe only Level 3 and 4 need to register, and then it should be based on each case.

3. When you are convicted for a sexual crime you get labeled Level 1, level 2 etc. But Pine Bluff can change it  to whatever level they want. By reading the rules on the different levels someone who should be a level 1 could walk out as a Level 3 Just because Pine Bluff thinks they might do something worse. Well then if they do, then make them a level 3 but not until they do the crime.  If everyone is automatically a  level 3, then How do you get to be a level 1… just by Thinking of looking at Porn? Again common sense.

4.  I have a question for you. You tell me who do you want walking on the street. A guy who did his time, got help. Now has a job. A family. Or someone who can't get a job because he has a label, who can't get a house, now you tell me. Who is going to mess up? And who do you want as a neighbor? I hope I made you think on this one.

3.5 % of sex offenders go back to prison compared to 30% for Drug related crimes. Who are the bad people here?

I am willing to talk about this to anyone. And I just hope this letter come across your desk.

By the way.. who am I? The mother of a soon to be S.O. My son is 21, all he did was look at underage porn.  Where is his second chance?
Jane Smith

Monday, May 16, 2011

Question.. or to make you think

I have a question, Now you don't have to answer if you don't want to, But I do want to make a point and I hope it will make you think.

IF: you had a choose as to who your new neighbor was going to be. which one would you choose.

1. A person who has been in and out of jail for drugs. Doing them and selling them. He has spent time in prison and has gotten help, but has no job nor a good family support.

2. A S.O. who at the age of 20 had sex with his 17 year old G.F. her parents did not like him and the Girl becomes pregrant with his baby so instead of telling her parents she had sex; she tell her parents that he rape her. He spent time in Prison and went though a program for S.O. But still have to register as a S.O. because that is the law. So now at the age of 28, can't get a job, can't go to college, He has some support from his family but they are about to give up on him.

3. A S.O. who at the age of 21 looked at underage porn on the computer. Spent  time in prison, Went through the program. But with a new law he doesn't have to register once he gets out. He is 23 now, He is going back to college, His family is going to help him out. He got a good part time job so he can pay rent. Now has a G.F. He is getting his life back on track.

Now who do you want as a neighbor??  I hope I made you think about this. I am not sure who the bad guys is,, but I would not want to live next to the drug guy. With strange people coming to house all the time,, wild party going on. He is going to jail again.. Most do. it's the only thing they know how to do.

The other S.O (#2) would not be so bad, I know he won't do anything to me or my kids I feel sorry for him and hope he can find a job. he just need someone to give him a chance but won't because of his label.

#3.. This is what I am fighting for. Once a S.O. who didn't do anything that bad, where you know they won't do it again. Why do they have to register once they do there time. Now he can have a change at making a change in his life.

At a rate of 3.5 % of S.O. go back to prison.. at the rate of 30% for Drug related crimes.

Why can't the lawyer and Congress understand this? why do they think S.O. are bad people?  There are over 700,000 S.O. in the US. I know some of those are really bad people but most are not.

One more thing.. Did you know that about 80% of the internet is Porn.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

thankful

I thought instead of writing about how sad I was or how bad the laws are. I'm going to write how thankful I am.

I am thankful that my son is alive. Is not in a hospital or in a war. He is in a safe place where I can see him and talk to him.

I am thankful that both of my parents are alive and health. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my mother to talk to almost every day.

Thankful that my daughter is so smart and very pretty. She got the AR. State lottery scholarship money and an extra 500.00 from Tech for being so smart. I just wish I could of spent more time with her this year. I am so sorry that the hell has taken that away.

I am thankful for my husband. He has put up a lot from me in the 25 years we have been married. I would of felling apart by now if it wasn't for him. This hell that we now live could of torn us apart but we are on the same page. We both are fighting this together.

I am thankful for all my friends. You don't know what it means to me for you to stand beside me through this. Not one of you has judge me nor my son. That means the world to me. I can talk about it and you listen. Again thank you for being my friend. I would write all your names down but there are so many of you. I couldn't be more bless.

Friday, May 13, 2011

hard to hang on hope.

Today is Friday. The day I get to see my son. I used to look forward to seeing him. I still do but it getting harder and harder to stay strong. I learn so much about the laws and how hard it's going to be for him when he gets out. How hard it's going to be him and us. I want to tell him everything I know but don't want to get his hope down. I just tell him what I have done. Who I am writing to. How I am fighting for him and other like him.

I have started sending letters to not only Beebe but too about 20 plus Senators and Reps. I send out a new letter twice a week. I just wish one of them would listen to my voice. I wish I knew more wife's, sisters, mother who will fight with me. So far I know only three. I will say these other three ladies are very strong. I am glad to know them and too fight along side with them.

I will be going to St. Louis in AUG for a big conference. I will be learning new tool on how to write better letters. Learn about the laws. This is a wonderful group. Just wish I didn't have to join. I am look forward to meeting other in the same hell as me. I hope I get to hear happy story.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

who you want as a neighbor?

I want to get one thing straight. I'm all for keeping kids safe but some common sense is needed in the laws. Do you want thousands of S O running around our country? Well that is what we have and the numbers keep growing.

Not because we have that many sickos in this country it because someone is making money or wants to get votes.

When you look at WHO is a S O. The 16 year old boy and girl who video tape themselves having sex then share that with friends. Do they both need to be S O. NO...Do that need that title for the test of their life. No.

Does the 16 year old who had sex with someone who was 13. No...

How about a 35 year old who had sex with someone underage. Where the girl was all for it and even push it. Maybe some jail time but not the title if this was his only time and it was over 10 years ago.

What I'm trying to say is the law has gone way to far. There are men in Florida who can't live in a house because it is close to a park. They live in the wood or are homeless.

NOW you tell me who do you want walking on the street. A guy who did his time , got help. Now has a job. A family. Or someone who can't get a job because he has a label, who can't get a house, now you tell me. Who is going to messed up? And who do you want as a neighbor? I hope I made you think on this one.

nothing new

I just finish a book written by a lady who is married to a S.O. I really don't know what to say. I love the book and its a great read. But left me with little hope for my son. I will keep fighting this but you just can't change a billboard once it has made up his mind.

I am looking forward to tomorrow. I get to meet the three people. I get to meet a S.O. and I can't tell you how excited I am to meet him, I have talked to him over the phone and by e-mail, seems like a nice guy, and if he is any thing like my son who has  done nothing wrong by the S.O. laws I know he will be a great guy to call a friend. Another person I get to meet (if she can make it) is the wife of the S.O. I just read her book. I feel like I am going to be meeting a celebrity. I have also read her blog and talked to her by e-mail. The other lady I will get to meet is a mother like me who son is a S.O. not sure what her story is or where her son is.  But I have talked to her on the phone and can't wait to met her.

I wrote one letter today and mail it out to Beebe, and other congress  plus Dr. Phil. I know nothing will become of this letter, But it won't be my last letter to any of them. I  am hoping they will get tried of seeing my letters, and want to do something to get me to shut up. HEY a girl can dream can't see. =)

 here are some of the blog I follow, The first one is about Lynn,,, the  wife.

http://lynngilmore.blogspot.com/
http://joetheso.blogspot.com/
http://5to20.wordpress.com/

Sunday, May 8, 2011

who am I?

This post I thought I would tell some things about me.  I am 45 years old. Been married for 25 years this month. To a great guy and a great Dad. I have two kids.

A son who is 21. He is very funny guy when you get to know him. He is wiz with the computer. After he was born, he could only say vowels sounds, after getting help from the age of 4 to 12, He can now speak but has a stuttering problem. Plus add that he is very shy because of this. he also has ADD. but he is my son who I love dearly. He is a big teddy bear. I love his bear hugs. His jokes, his laughs.

I have a daughter who is 18. She has been a great kid. Loves to play soccer, and plays the clarinet in the band. She has been a great kid. Has never given me any trouble. She is so smart.  Can remember anything. She just amazing me with how smart she is.  She will be going to college next year. Thank goodness it will be in the same town so I will still get to see her.

I can relate more to my son then to my daughter. I have dyslexia, very shy when I was in school. Never did go to college.  My Husband who is so smart, was in the Navy for 6 years. my daughter is more like him.

I got a letter from my son yesterday for Mothers Day. 
Dear Mom,
I know you don't like making a big deal about Mothers day, but I'm going to write you a letter anyway. So deal with it.! ;P

I just wanted to tell you that you mean the world to me, I couldn't have make it through all of this without you. You may not be perfect and buy way too much applesauce or toilet paper sometimes, but I couldn't ask for a better mom.


Hope you have a great mothers day.. I love and miss you very much.

Conway Man Charged with Sexually Assaulting Two Girls

Conway Man Charged with Sexually Assaulting Two Girls

Now this man,, He should know better. But again I am not going to judge. He could have a some mental issues and if he does then he should of all ready been getting help or someone should of been watching him more closes.I post this for two reason. One I just mention. and two. He only got 2 counts,, I have no idea what the 2nd degrees means. And I have on idea what My son is. but my son got 10 counts. Just for looking at pictures. Still doesn't make any sense to me.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

I have now began to fight

 A few things have happen to make me want to fight even more. I got to see my son Friday for 30 min. I always leave in a good mood. We laugh, we joke, we smile. I can't touch him. He is behind a big piece of glass.

I have to talk to him on a lousy phone. I deal with that OK because I can see him and hear him but this Friday was different. I don't know why. Maybe because he has been there for a month?. Maybe because I have learned so much about what his life is going to like in prison and out that now I am even more sad. Maybe both.

I didn't cry until we left. It is so hard to fight this because I feel like no one is listening to me plus I am not the only one who is talking. None of us are getting heard. But I will fight. This is my son and today in the paper is another mother going through the same thing as me. I am a year ahead of her in this hell. I wish I could talk to her but don't know who she is. So now I need to fight even more before another mother, wife, child has to see their love one go through this.

Instead of writing to just our Governor. I am going to start writing to all the state congress and our Rep. I need to be louder! I need to be heard! I need to do this!

Friday, May 6, 2011

is it a bad dream or is it an April fool joke ??

How did we get where we are at?

March 31 the night before April fools day. 9:30 I get a phone call from the Conway county jail telling me that my son is making a collect call. At first I though he had found a program to make it seem like a collect call. That would be something he would do.

When I start talking to him, I can't tell if he is laughing or crying. It doesn't take me long to realize that he is crying and this is for real. You know when they said your life can change in a moment. Well it can.

He keep calling us over and over because we only get a one minute  phone call. Then they wouldn't let us talk until we put money on an account. We called the jail to tell them to tell him about his one free phone call. So we finally get to talk to him about what was going on.

By10:30 we had a lawyer. Told him everything would be OK. That is one phone call I never want to get. Never though I would get.

Still after one year can't believe we are living this nightmare. The next day we meet with the lawyer. We could not see our son but the lawyer could. He went and talk to him.

The next day was his first of many court appearance. His bond was going to be set that day. I was not looking forward to seeing him in the black and White jumpsuit but at the same time I needed to be strong for him and me. I wanted to see my baby boy. To give him a hug. To tell him that someone made a mistake and this will all go away.

They would not bring the inmate to the court room that day. But had them on camera. I got to see my son on TV. In hand cuff. Took every thing I had to hold it together.

After his bond was set. We got the paper work done and waited for him to walk out of jail. The first words out of his month was sorry. I told him he didn't need to tell me. I knew he was. I just wanted him home.

We had to stop by the college to get his stuff. The college is the one who turned him in. His phone and backpack was at the college Police station. We had plan on going by getting his stuff. His keys. Going to eat as we were getting hungry.

When we got to the college Police they would not let us out of their sight. My son had to sign paper that he would not step foot back on campus. We had to go with a police officer to his apartment to clean it out right now. Thank goodness I had a big car and so did my son.

As we were not aloud to come back the next day. And that is how the nightmare started. And I can't seem to stop having the same dream over and over again. Someone please wake me up and tell me it was just a dream or a bad April fool joke.

The way I view the world.

The best way for me to describe the way I think is to tell you that I am a Libra. That part doesn't mean much to me except the part where the sign is a balance scale. I feel like I can view both side of a story. I have always felt that way. That I could relate to both sides.

So with that said I will go on. I do believe that if you were to talk to every one in prison I bet they don't want to be there. I know what you are saying " well yea" ...Now here me out.

What I mean is; if they had a choose they would of gone down a better road in life. But life didn't take them down that great road. Robbers rob because they have to not because they want to. OK maybe some but not all. They need to rob to stay alive. Too feed their family. A person who kills. If you were to hear the whole story. They didn't have a chose. Drug dealer. Again tyring to stay alive. They know no other way. The school system may have let them down... Their parents... The government. Who knows.

I bet the prisoner know right from wrong but same not. Look at our media. I have never done drugs. Have only been drunk twice in my life. But with the media. I now look at smoking marijuana as something I should try. I used to think that was a bad drug. Could lead to even worst thing. But the media has change my mind on this. How? Its everywhere. TV show, movies And if they can do that Then I say we need a reality TV show about a family who husband/dad/son is a sex offender. We need a movie. We need to see the other side. The more people see that all the bad people are really not that bad. Just went down the wrong road.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

too many voices

Today I heard from the other side of the fence.  A lady who was a victim.  I don't know the story; just  that her dad was involved. She was against All that I stand for. She has ever right  to. But the way I see it. Every one of those men (I use men just because there are so few woman who are S.O) Who are S.O. or have not been caught yet. Everyone of them need help. Some of them may know it is wrong but just can't help them help, or they think this is the normal. No one has told them any different. I don't care what they have done. They need help. yes I know there are some really bad men out there. and there are some that need to be hung by there balls. But they still need help.

Did you know that there are only 2..two..place in the whole USA where you can get help for sex additions. Tiger Wood went to one of them in MS. Do you know what it cost to go to one of these places? Well I don't know the exact amount but its is real expensive, not every Tom, Dick, and Harry can afford to go. So how does an average Joe get help.Well He doesn't, unless he gets caught, put in prison,, where if he is lucky they might have a program for him to go to; and it might work.

This is fairly new crime, 20 years, that is how long the internet has been around. But Porn has been around for many, many years; but wasn't that easy to get your hand on it. Now it is. So unless you take the porn off the internet. (yea good luck with that one) Then we are always going to have a problem. Not only is there bad men in USA,, but around the world where we have no control over. But the internet is world wide,Where everyone can see anything. Did you know that about 80% of the stuff on the internet is some sort of Porn. that mean only 20% of the internet is where SOME people go. Notice I said SOME and not MOST.. that would be because MOST are going to the porn site.

I feel like the Government is putting the wrong people behind bars. I know it is hard to get the person who sales the drugs. But it real easy to get the guy who uses the drugs. If we had a commercial "this is your brain.. this is your brain on drugs" why can't we somehow get the word out that looking at underage kids is bad,, rape is bad,, you need help.. call 1-800-We Can Help...

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

my new voice

I have two groups who are fighting the laws just like me. Nice to know I'm not the only one out there. I have been email back and forth between a few of them.

I now have been emailing a mother who is in the same boat as me. Plus a guy called me tonight. He's a s.o. He is out. I'm interest in meeting him to hear how his life is. The three of us are going to meet next week.

This whole thing makes me sad as I know these people have been fighting this law for a few years now. And nothing has change. Makes me want to give up. But on the other hand I might be the one person they need to complete the group. I might be the voice they need. So I  not going to give up!

After talking to the mother she told me that a guy from AR was on DR Phil. And Dr Phil was agreeing that the law is not right. So he might be one way to get our voices heard. Since I sprained my ankle today. I won't be going to the gym. I will then take that as a sign to write to Beebe, Andrea, and now Phil.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Well that didn't last very long

Here I was in a good mood the last two days. After talking to  Congress Woman; I have been on cloud nine. Haven't been there in a very long time. Felt nice. had some hope. Found a new web-site where there are other like me who are trying to fight the law. I joined and send an email to the guy in charge of AR. He just wrote me back. I didn't give him  much info on Steven's case, Just that he was waiting to go to Pine bluff. Now he tell me that he will be a level 3 (will explain later) Not a level one!!  Kick me when I'm down.


I will explain some things to you. I have learned so much about Sex offender.. More then I ever wanted to know.  here a simple list,,
Level 1 - Least likely to re-offend
Level 2 - Moderate risk to re-offend
Level 3 - High Risk to re-offend
Level 4 - Sexually Violent Predator



the list goes into more stuff, but I just wanted you to see where my son fit in.  He would be a level one. But now the guys is telling me that the people at Pine Bluff could make him a level 3,, just because they can.  A level 3 is where you can't live by a school, park..etc. where as a level 1 have more freedom. I guess we will just have to wait and see: and there won't be a damn thing I can do about it either.



Monday, May 2, 2011

please listen

Today I get a phone call from my congress women that I have talked to once before. She knows my story. But today she was retuning my call. I had ask for a secret to getting our Gov. attentions. She didn't have any but listen to me for a few mins.  I told her I didn't think the law was right. How can you have some one who rapes get only a year but when guys look at underage pictures they could get 5,10,15 years.

When all that I have read say that these guys just want to look  at the picture, they do not want to rape or do any harm to anyone. JUST LOOK.. yes I know that is wrong. but they don't know that. when you have a problem with Drugs you can get help.. When you have a problem  with porn.. well that is a different story. If you were to walk into a DR. office to tell them you need help, you can't stop looking at underage porn,, That Dr. has to call the police where they will arrest you. The guy is trying to get help. If a drug person walked in they would get help. There is some thing wrong with this.

After talking to the Congress woman, she is on my side. She want to stay in touch with me and maybe have me speak to the state congress. WOW.. I don't like talking in front of big crowds.. let along congress. But I told her I would do what ever I needed to do to get my voice heard.

Some one needs to have the balls to change the law.. might as well be me.  Now how do I grow them? I need Beer and some sports.. =)

I want to be heard

I wish I had five min with whoever can help me. You see my son is in jail for looking at child porn. He did not touch nor hurt anyone. Just looking. He get five years. But when you watch the news or read where someone rapes a young girl they get a year at the most. Now I ask you which one do you want to see behind bars?

My son is only 21. He was in college. Quite shy. But a sweet heart of a guy. Has never dated. A geek. Loves computers, and  animals.

I wish someone would listen to me. The law is not right. Why does he still have to be punish after he get out: and after he completes a program. Why do we have special program for people on drug and who drink but not for people who have a problem with sex.

Anyone who has a problem with child porn and knows it and wants to get help. The doctor will have to report it. Then that person might end up in prison. But he was trying to seek help. This isn't right. My son has never been in trouble before. This is the first time. And he is looking at five year. And then a life time of being label. Where is the justice?