Monday, December 19, 2011

Where do I start

Its been almost 3 weeks since my last blog.

A lot has happen and not in a good way.  My heart is so broken right now, I am not sure it will ever be fixed. I have giving up on anyone helping me or my son,  I don't believe in Miracles. I never did believe in God but I do believe in Angels. At this time of year, I was hopping for a miracle, and today I found out that the Asshole who can give it to me, won't.

Let me see if I can bring you up to date. My son made parole. It is now all in place. He can't or I should say he can live at our house but we would have to cut off the internet for 4 years. We can't do that with our daughter still living at home and going to college. So my son will move in with my parents. We  got my son a trailer  to live in next door to them. They live out in the county.  We can't part a trailer on our neighborhood. He has to live next to or with family. he can live in the trailer and my parents can still have internet. And yes my son who can't have internet, can walk into my parents house and my house and used the computer. It makes no since to me at all. He just can't own a computer with internet, He can't live in our house where we can watch him, take care of him, or put a monitoring system on our computer. NOPE.. that would make sense.

My son got wrote up again for not raking the leaf right. I will write what my son wrote for the appeal.
I was second to the last in a leaf-raking line. The line and everyone in it started raking and moved about 20 feet forward then the Sargent told us to stop, move back to where we started and stay in the same order we were in. After we moved back, Sargent instructed us to get in the proper formation. right on left and tight up to the man in front. he went down the line and adjusted people as they needed it. When we were done moving, I was still second from the last in line, but because everyone was closer together, I was about 10 to 15 feed closer to the front of the line from where I started. Sargent then said that many people were leaving too many leaves behind, and if he caught anyone leaving leaves "they will get a ticket" I then had the following exchange with the Sargent:
"Rusty is there a pile of leaves at your feet?"
"yes sir"
"well you just got a ticket, you can thank everyone in front of you for fucking you over"
I believe that the Sargent knew that the pile of leaves at my feet was not my fault or responsibility since I was 10 to 15 feet away from them. From the way the line adjusted and him saying "you can thank the people in front of you for fucking you over" I believe the Sargent knew that the leaves in question were not left there due to the any action or lack there of on my part."

So what does this mean? It means that my son got a ticket again. So now he has to go 20 days without extra food, phone calls and now no visits. It will end at midnight on the 26 of Dec. Which is a Monday,  We were going to see him on Christmas day, but now we can't. and since Visit are only on Sunday, we can't see him on Monday.  Like I said above the ASSHOLE who could make this better, said NO, to a crying mother. How can you say no to a crying mother? I has also called the Major, and told HER the story, (this phone call took place about 2 weeks ago. What she did for us, was good, but bad at the same time) She turned the "ticket" into a 20 days without..etc.. instead of 30 days in the hole, which would of added 3 more months to his sentences. And she gave him a different job. He is no longer outside but inside, He is mopping, sweeping. cleaning the sinks in his unit. Which takes him 45  minutes a day to do. Then he has the rest of the day to do what ever he wants. The bad part, she waiting until after my son did his appeal to put this all in actions, so instead it the 20 days starting on the day it happen, it is starting on the day the appeal ended. So that is why I can't see him or talked to him on Christmas day or any day for 20 days.

I know,, I really should be thankful, I know that, but tell that to my broken heart. I should be thankful that my son took a class that moved his release day up 10 days, So now he will be home by February 15.  But this is hard, I want him home now, where I know he will be safe and away from the mean guards.

I know in one of my post, I said I know what it feel like to win a major prize, now I know what it feel like, when someone tells you that the prize comes with consequences.

I have to tell you about the trailer we got him. It is 32 feet long, a big one, with two pulls out. The old owner had taken out the bed, couch, and entertainment center.  We can now add his own bed. Which I know he has missed. We have a loveseat/with build in recliners, that will fit in the space where the old couch went. They took out the stove, and added a real stove/oven. Took out the kitchen sink and add a nicer sink. Put down a new floor. It has a sliding glass door. big closet in the bedroom. a nice shower that is big. All in all, I think it will be fine. I know he will spend most of his time at his G-parents house. But at least he will have a place to have his own stuff. I will be spending time fixing it up for him. Until he is home.

I am so confused right now.  I feel like I am banging my head on the wall over and over again. It hurts, its painful, But I keep doing it. Why? I don't know. I keep hoping that someone will see my doing this and ask WHY? and I can say.. Common sense. where has it gone? Can't you see that putting someone in prison for a sex crimes is not working? They need help. just like someone who is on drugs or alcohol. and the laws and rules don't make sense.  Just like my son, who can't live at my house but can come over while we still have internet, but if he lived here we would have to turn if off. Does this make sense to you/ Me neither. Why can't he live here with us still having internet?, We can watch him. Can you imagine living without internet for 4 years? When this has been your life.  the computer world is grown so fast he will be left behind. Why can't he live here, where we can play board games, watch TV together. But they think it would be a good idea to put him in a trailer by himself, where he will be lonely and broad.  how many young people know how to put the cards on the table to play solitaire?

I have been talking to my Angels, I really hope they are listening, I do hope they have a plan. It is hard for me to see what they have plan for him. I do hope they know what they are doing.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

No I won't

Suicide, drugs, alcohol , a gun,  car accidents?  What would make the pain go away? 

Don't worry about me. I won't do it but the idea that the pain will go away is a nice thought. I want to live to see my son shine. To see him come out of this as a great man. See us as a family again     
To see my daughter shine. To be the best at whatever she chooses. To become a great woman. To one day have grand kids, to see them grow up in a world that is better then this one because "DANM IT" I had a hand in that change. 

I would like to wake up now. I just feel like I keep banging my head on the wall, hoping that the next time I hit head my head it won't hurt, but it does. When will it stop?
I know I have only been in this fight for a short time compares to others.  I can't only imagine the pain and heart ache they feel. Knowing that they have scream and punch more then I have and are just now seeing some change.

When you listen to the news and I found myself confuses as to how I feel about sex offenders. I know that once they get help they are fine. I know that we have bad guys out there and then we have ones that we don't have to worry about. The news is all over this since the Penn state and now we have another Coach who did harm to 3 boys over 10 years ago. Now we haves guy on a plane looking at pictures.

 Now I am not saying that any or all of these guys did what the media said they did. It is just hard for me to hear these stories over and over again. Nothing changing. Not the views of the media or society. But all we are hearing is the worst of the worst it would be nice to hear a story of a young man doing something "normal" but in a sex crimes way, Then get arrest then maybe then society will be shock of this. Maybe the media will then start looking more into this law and how they effect the sex offender and their family.

One thing i wish would happen is before these guys/gals get arrest that they could find help. Just like someone who does drugs. One problem with this is that so many sex offender are falsely accuse.  So that would be hard for someone to go thought a program when you didn't do any thing. I also wish when the law enforcer question the accuse  they would also question the victims.

Now I wrote the above before I found out all the below:

Got a phone call last night from my son saying he was denied his parole because we have Internet in the house.  What makes me so mad is when I talked to his PO a week ago and told him we had Internet not once did he say that was going to be a problem. I try to met his PO on Monday before I knew the out come but he was off on Monday. But was told he would be in the office at 7 am tomorrow.
His dad and I were there this morning at 7. After waiting a few min. We finally got to see him.  He told us he could not change the rules.  Bull shit!!!  Can you tell I'm mad.

After telling him that we could put a password on our computer.
Take the computer out of his room. But a monitor system on our computer that way they could monitor us. He tells me he will talk to his boss.
I even ask him who I could talk to. The parole board. But instead I called A parole fighting lawyer who is know for his parole expert  He was out of his office but told me to give him the details, He told me they could not keep Steven home just because we have Internet.

After the lawyer made some phone calles. We founds out that the rule to the no Internet is not a parole rule but a SOSEN rule ( they are the one who do the sex offender assessment and rules) our new lawyer can't touch them so we are stuck with that rule. Found out that our son will be a level 2. Not what I wish for but not that bad either. Now we have to find a travel trailer or Rv to park on my parents land. If they will let us do that.

More news. My son called again tonight. This time with tear in his voice. He got wrote up again for something he did not do. He won't be able to call us for 15 days or buy anything any extra food. They seem to be everything they can to break him down. I have to make phones calls tomorrow to save his life.

Can I wake up now? PLEASE I BEG YOU!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

5 years, mean 5 years

Yesterday I went around the world and back just with phone calls.  Called Parole..
Me- Need to find out what the Parole board decided on my son"
No clue lady-  "yes it show he made Parole"
Me- I know that allready what else can you tell?
NCL- that its.
DID not tell her this .. But I already knew that!!!!!
Me- so who can I call to find out all the details?
NCL- the prison he is at.

Next call to the prison-
Me, Need to find the results about  my son parole
Guard_ Ok will put you thought
ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring etc..
hung up
15 mins later:
the same think

I did this from 8:30 to 10:30
The next time I called
Me- can I talk to the Warden
G- he is in the deer woods, would you like to talk to the ASS, Warden

Me-  Yes please
Not the Ass, but his clerk. who would not let me talk to the Ass, but gave me another number.

New phone call
Me.. etc..
NICE lady- yes I have them..
me- great, what all can you tell me
 so this is what I found out.  he can't get out this month as he misses the Early kick out date (Gov-Beebe) by 9 days. so the earliest he can get out is February 25 , but it could be later as they have so many coming out.
He does not have to take any programs. Yea!!  not even the one that last a year.
so that is all I learned from her.

I get a call from his parole Officer that is here in town. He starts telling me everything that my son won't be able to do.
He can't date anyone with kids.
He won't be able to have a computer (iphone, Xbox etc) 
He might not be able to work on our computer. ( NNNOOOOOOO) 
He will have to wear the ankle bracelet for 90 days,
Have to report to the Parole Officer twice a month. (which I'm sure will cost us)
He will have to go to consulting twice a week. (that fine, but I'm sure will cost us) 
He won't be able to go back to college to take computer classes.
The neighbors will be notify (but I will let them know before they get the letter)

I started tell him "how do they want my son to live? get a job? better himself"
The way he told me was- "he got 5 years, so if he was behind bar for 5 years he would not be able to do any of this anyway"
If they don't' take his computer away,, but put all this restriction on anyone and that will just make someone want to back and do bad things.
They could even take our computers away from us. But my daughter has to have it for College, my husband sometime works from home, and look at all I do on here.
So when they say not only Sex offender get a punished so does the rest of the family. I knew that part already  and now you maybe can understand it also.
Also found out that the Parole Officer did not know what level he was but with all the restriction they have put on him sounds like a Level 2.  How low can I go? My heart is so broken right now.
Hope and dreams are gone. I don't want to hear how fast 5 years will go by. In those five year is when a young person finish up college, try to get a job, maybe get married and start a family. I know he will be able to do some of that. But then put all these hoop and road block in front of him and see how hard it is. There will be so many people his age that will be so far ahead of him in life.

I can hear you in the background. "well he did do this?
yes he did and should pay.. I get that.. but don't you think 10 months is long enough to pay for what he did.
" NO" you say,
Well then do you know my son? have you met him? Or you just going by what the media tells you? That all Sex Offender can't change. That all of them are bad people. How many Sex offender have you met?
Well then I don't want to hear what you have to say. Unless you have either walk in my shoe or met my son. He and other like him are not bad people, they can change. he was 19 at the time. What did you do at age 19 that you hope no one ever finds out.

That is what I though.

I just want to scream. I knew this part was coming, but you know in the back of your mind you just hope,, You just hope that someone will  see how wrong this is.

I keep saying being in prison was the easy part, Now we are looking at a new set of HELL.

I do have two things cooking on the back burning. I hope they help out.

Something has got to happen and not fast enough for me.

Monday, November 14, 2011

cant sleep

I was laying in bed but could not sleep so now I'm up setting in the living room in the dark. The only light I can see is from my phone.

I'm so worried about the phone call tomorrow. I just know they are going to tell me my son need that damn program which takes a year or they are going to tell me that he can come home soon but they are booked up and it could take a year. Yes I have heard this.

So far I have only gotten good news once and that was when he made parole. But that doesn't seem like much now. So I'm thinking the worst. And why shouldn't I. That is all I have every heard since this whole mess stared.

I would love to go back, where life- the only worried I had was to remember to bring home the milk. Life was easy and I didn't know it.

I have done two things that I hope will bring a good outcome for tomorrow.

One day out geocaching. We went to a cemetery. It gave me the creeps I could feel someone did not want me there. So the other day I went back. Since I knew I felt something there. Someone that I could talk to in the Spirit world. That it might help me. I have learn that slaves were buried there , so I thought they would understand my problem, of someone getting the wrong end of the deal that they didn't deserves. Well if any thing it made me feel better. And no it didn't give me the creeps when I went back.

My family thinks I have lost my mind. Do you blame me? A person/mother can only take so much.

The other thing I did to make sure of a good outcome for tomorrow. I bought a roll of stamps. Not a sheet but a roll. So now I hope they set in my office and it takes me for ever to use them.

I really wish someone would hear me and others cries. I read other blog of where women are in the same boat as me. no one will listen to us. I want to stand on top of the highest MT with a mic in my hand Yelling for some one to listen to us. I hope one day SOON that day will come.

I know I can't take any more of this shit and I know neither can the other mothers and wife. Why why why can't someone listen to us and understand the pain we are in for our loves one. Why is it , the only ones who can see and understand that this law isn't working is the one who are caught up in .why? What do I need to do that I haven't all ready done or the other women haven't done to get you to notice that there need to be a change. This whole thing suck!

Even if my son comes home the hell will not be over. We will just be starting a new set of hell. We are hoping for a level one. But who knows what he will get. Why can't they understand just because a person looks at picture does not mean that person wants to go touch. This whole thing is just a mess.

When I read where a county needs more money.  The best way to get money is to ask for sex offender money to better look after them but what they really do with the money is go after the "war on drugs". I have read this a few times. They will come out and say they will use it on the war against drugs. Sex offender don't give the cops a hard time. The cops don't have to worry about the sex offender. It the one on drugs that the cops spends most of their time on.

Another food for thought. Why don't the FBI go after the porn sites and shut them down? How about it's because they are the ones runner the site to begin with. I hope that ones makes you think.

Well I'm getting tried now. Maybe I can go to sleep. But I have to say my heart goes out to 2 fellow blogger. To Peanut and your mother: I do hope things get better for the both of you soon.
To my mother in Florida: wish I had words for you to make the pain go away for your son and you.
I hate that both of you are in this lossy boat with me.
Love to all

Friday, November 4, 2011

We won

I have always wonder what it would be like to be on a show and win a major prize. Now I don't have to wonder any more. I know what it feel like. its the best feeling in the world. To get a prize you were not excepting but in the back of your mind wishing for. I now know. Its a feeling like no other. Pure JOY. 

I guess I should go into detail just in case someone does not know what I'm talking about. My son had his parole Hearing on Thursday. We were ready to speak, did not know what we were going to say. I was ready to get down on my knees and beg if I had to. But after 5 mins, the One guy (parole board) say you can go home. He has to talk it over with 5 other Board members, but I think what every he says will be what they all agree on.We are not sure when, Early this month,, but no later then February.  We find out on the 15 this month.

I have said before that my son gives out the best hugs. I have never gotten a hug like that one before. It had to be the best one EVER!

We also find out soon what level he is going to be. I can only hope that since the Parole Board seem to have some common sense that the Assessment guy will also, I sure hope he can tell (after 3 1/2 hours he spent with my son) that he is not a threat to society, So again I wish for a level one. We will see if I win another prize.

On a side note, My son can't get home soon enough, my computer is in some real need of work. LOL I was starting to look into hiring someone.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


Today was a fun day. It was nice to get my voice out there. Love that we have lots of people call in, really didn't think that many people listen. LOL

Now is when it all comes together. Tomorrow is my son Parole Hearing. I don't know what will happen. This is all new to us. I know we get to say something, What I would love to say is " I know I can't say any thing or do anything to change your minds about the outcome of my son life, but if I could what would you want me to say?"
We have to be at the prison at 8:00 in the morning. So we are spending the night close by. We get to wait with our son as our turns comes up.  We have lots of letter for support. Don't know if it will help but it won't hurt.

Not sure if either one of us will get any sleep tonight.

We won't find out the outcome until when ever they deiced to tell us. Could be by the end of the week, or not until the first part of DEC.

The life of our son is in someone else hands. I hate that part.

I am trying to be strong.  I am going to have to live with the outcome, what ever they say they want my son to do.

I am going to be strong!! I am going to be strong!  This is hard.. but I will be strong. I won't break down, not now when my son needs me the most.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

I have change

To my friends, Old one and news ones.

I am sorry. My life has taken me down a road I really don't wan to go down, but will because I believe in my son and want to make his life more easier. You may not like what he did, But if you have ever met my son, you know what a kind, gently soul he is. He would never hurt anyone. So please don't judge him for a mistake he made.  We have all made mistake that we are not proud of.

When you do judge him, I feel like you are judging me as a mom.

I am sorry that the only thing I can talk about is the Sex Offender issue. You have to understand this is my life. I don't go shopping anymore. It's not that I don't want to, its that I don't care to. I have found something more important  to do with my time.  I miss the old life. The carefree, Not a worry, Two great kids.

I still have two great kids,  But I can't brag about them like you can with your kids.  You don't want to here what my son has been up to. How hard he has it. That a Guard keeps writing him up, because he is a Sex Offender, And if he keep writing him up then he will lose his  Class 1. You don't want to here that My son has made a friend Mitch.   You don't want to hear any of that, But that is all I have to talk about.

So I am sorry that this is my life, This is the only thing I can talk about. I am really sorry. I do miss the carefree world I used to live in. But I see the world different now. I see that things need to change, Not just the Sex Offender laws but other laws. We are losing our freedom. I see that, you may not.

My Passion is to make a change for both of my kids and yours. Please try to understand that. The next time you see me, please don't walk away from me, but at least say Hello. You don't have to ask "How I am doing?"  Because you know you will get the same answer from me as you did the day before. "hanging in there"  What I would like to say is. "not doing good at all. I am worry about my son. I am worry about the law and that I might not be able to make a change, That I am losing friends over this. I don't want to be alone in this fright. I want you to understanding the pain I 'm going though."  That I what I wish I could say.

To my new friends, Who understand what I'm going through as you are going though it also. I am not sure what I would do without you. It is nice to be going through this fight with such strong woman.

Monday, October 10, 2011

What you need to know.

What you need to know about sex offender laws.

Like most of you I thought all Sex offender should be lock up for life but that is not the case. Now that I have learned more about these laws, I have change my mind and I hope to change yours.

I have learned that 95% of the people who are Registered Sex Offenders never touched a child. They committed some sort of no-contact or victimless crime that used to be called public indecency but  since the Adam Walsh Act and Megan's Law, these people are being treated the same as rapists.

Why is this so?

The Adam Walsh. Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006, is supposed to (and I'm quoting now) “protect children from sexual exploitation and violent crime, to prevent child abuse and child pornography, to promote Internet safety, and to honor the memory of Adam Walsh and other child crime victims.”

Title I of the Adam Walsh Act, known as the Sex Offender Registration and Notification Act or SORNA, requires people who commit certain crimes to register as sex offenders and classifies them into three tiers:

Tier 3 offenders (the most serious tier) update their whereabouts every three months with lifetime registration requirements, Tier 2 offenders do it every six months with 25 years of registration, and Tier 1 offenders must update every year with 15 years of registration.

By this same law, anyone and everyone who commits a 'sex offense' is a ‘‘sex offender’’ and is required to serve time on the registry after they serve time in jail. The crimes that are listed as sex offenses include: sex trafficking, coercion and enticement, transportation with intent to engage in criminal sexual activity, abusive sexual contact, use of a minor in a sexual performance, solicitation of a minor to practice prostitution, and production or distribution of child pornography.

All sounds good on paper. But the fact is that teenagers who are necking in the back seats of cars and men peeing in bushes or looking at pictures of fully-clothed teenage models on the Internet are being treated the same or worse than if they murdered, raped or sold drugs to a child.

This is nutz!

By calling everything related to sex a 'sex crime' and placing everyone who has ever been convicted of a sex crime on the registry -- whether or not they have ever touched a child -- the Government is making it impossible for parents to identify who is truly a threat and who is not.

Megan's Law is known as the Sexual Offender (Jacob Wetterling) Act of 1994. This is the law that requires law enforcement to make information available to the public regarding registered sex offenders. It requires persons convicted of sex crimes to notify local law enforcement of any change of address or employment after release from custody. Doing all that takes a lot of paperwork and costs a lot of money, but this law has shown NO EFFECT in reducing re-offenses or the number of victims.

And it gets worse.

What this law does is makes us paranoid. We don't let our kids out of our sight. Now we have kids not getting enough exercise because they don't ride their bikes or walk to school. As parents we have become over protective. The crime rate is lower now than it was when we were kids. Just think back to your own childhood. Did you walk to school like I did? Did you ride your bike to the local store on errands for your mother? Did you go out trick-or-treating? Was it fun?

These laws do not help to make things fun. Let me tell you what they have done.

A Sex Offender can be anyone from the age of 4 to 94. Two kids 'playing doctor' – the 4 year old is the victim and the 5 year old is charged. Two teens having consensual sex – both may be charged as being each other’s abuser and victim. You, for taking photos of your granddaughter playing in bubble-bath.

Texas has placed children as young as ten years old onto the registry.

Ten years old!!!

I would not call anyone of these people a Sex Offender. They did not touch or harm a child. So why are they on the list?

Some say it is because the judges, prosecuting attorneys, sheriffs, legislators and other elected officials all want to be re-elected.
They know the best way to do that is to show that they are tough on crime. And, that being tough on sex crime, 'sells'.

They especially don’t want to make the news as being easy on sex offenders. And so they do not talk about these problems. But the problems are even bigger than this.

These sex-offender laws make it so that a person who is registered – even if they have children and a family to support -- can’t get a decent job or live in a family-friendly neighborhood. And remember, this goes for the 95% of the people on the registry who have never harmed anyone.

How is this fair? What good does it do?

People who can't get work end up living on the streets. If a registrant is homeless, it is hard for the law enforcement to find them. This makes them in violation of the registration law, but it is not because they are in hiding, it is because they can’t get a job or find a place to live and they end up on welfare and food stamps, with us taxpayers paying for their subsidized housing as well.

Once a person who has been convicted of a crime does their time in prison, they should be free. They should get a second chance. If they are so great a danger to society that they need to be on a special list and register, maybe they should not be let out of prison at all.
But people who have done stupid or insensitive or immoral things are not criminals and we must stop treating them as such.

The way these laws are right now, fathers can't live at home with their own children, even though the children and wives want them to; children and spouses of registrants are shamed, bullied and humiliated in school; registrants are legally discriminated against, ostracized, shunned and bullied. We need to put a stop to this.. or it could happen to you.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011


Just got off the phone with Malvarn, The prison that has the RSVP program. My son has been appoved and will start in OCT. the program last a full year. The File parole hearing means shit.  March 26 2012 TE date means shit.. My son will be in prison for a year.There is nothing I can do to change that. NOT one person I can talk to, I can't write a letter. I just have to wait a year and see if he can get out  once he finish the program.

I just thought my heart was broken,, well now it is broken in tiny pieces. A full YEAR!!
And I have to tell him this. He will be getting move again. Some time this month.

WHY. can't I have a HERO.

just want an answer

Some of you keep asking me about my Birthday present. I didn't want to say anything in case it didn't happen. The more I learn the more I know Nothing. I can't get an answers from anyone.

My son has a Parole hearing coming up in OCT..(my birthday present) At first we were real happy about that, Now not so sure. We get a email saying his hearing has been moved, but when I called a few days ago it was on the 6 now its on the 12. Let me back up,, and start from the beginning.

My son got moved, he is not longer at Varner, but now at Calico Rock, way up north. Each prison has it own date each month for parole hearing. Varner might be on the last  Thursday of the month and Calico will be on the First Tuesday of the month. Since my son got moved so does his date, It was Oct 26, then got moved to Oct.6 now its Oct.12. But not knowing for sure, I call today. This will make 3 phones calls in the last few days, You would think when they pull up my son names it would have the right stuff on there. Today I hear for the first time. That Just HIS FILE goes to the hearing. DO WHAT?

My son looks bad on paper, but once you see him and get to knew him, you know he is a good kid, who just made a bad decision. If they could met his parents, they can tell we are good people. You don't know how upset I am over this. I can still write a letter and have it put in this parole file. I have even called the Prosecuting Attorney, to have him write a letter on his behalf. I have not heard back from him yet. I also left a message for My Son Counselor to call me back, to see if she will write a letter. Have not heard back from her.

Now I am trying to get a hold of anther Prison. You see, I am not sure what the hearing is going to be about. I don't know if it for his release or if its to see if he need to go to the RSVP program. Its a Sex offender program, and it only at one Prison. The one I have called twice today and can't get anyone to answer the phone. I want to see if he is on the list for the program. Or if they can tell me anything.

I don't know what kind of letter to write:
Do I write it on "how he doesn't need the program?
Or do I write on How he is a good kid and need to come home?

Just to let you know, My son likes where he is , They have a bigger library, and less inmates. If you mess up, they ship you to another prison. So he likes that everyone has to play by the rules. He is now a class 1, which is good. now he will get  more days off for good behaver. He is now off Hoe squad but they put him on a harder Hoe Squad. Between you and me.. he need the exercise. A little hard work doesn't hard anyone. But you didn't hear that from me.

Friday, September 9, 2011

what is on my mind today.

I want to tell my reader/friends a little up date, I don't just set on my butt knitting or think of a new Blog, That I am  still frighting for my son rights, and other like him. That is the top of my "to do list" every morning when I wake up.

I got two phone calls: One yesterday saying he was from ACIC,, that Gov. Beebe told him to call me,,, as I had question. I have not written Beebe in a while so don’t know what question he is talking about. But I did talk to him.  I will say he was nice, but very close minded. Him and Paula would get along great.

Another phone call to day. From the ADG paper, They wanted my permission to print my letter to the editor about the “The Last Pariahs”.  I don’t know if they will print it or not, but since they have my permission it will go to the editor with other letter and he will pick from those. This Sunday or Monday is when it might appear. 

Yesterday, I went to the Little Rock, We are getting our Radio show ready. I got to do one of the spots/adds for our new show.    Our spots might be up and running today or tomorrow.  I can now check that off my Bucket list. (didn't know it was on my list LOL)  I will let you know more about our show when it gets closer. 

This has been on my mind for a while.  As you know, I see the world  (at least I think so) different than most.

Another view.: ( my head is getting heavy with all this knowledge’s).

I get Google Alert on anything to do with Sex Offender stuff. In the last two day I got two different Alert but at the same time have one thing in common.  Parents NOT doing their job.

The first one,, if you want to read it

The mother of a boy molested by a registered sex offender is upset after she says the state failed to inform her that her son's attacker was released from prison.

First off,,, my heart goes out to her but mostly to the boy. But at the same time, (and yes I am going to say it) How dumb is this kid and his mother?  The Article say The Sex Offender goes after boy around the ages of 13-15. So we will have to guess that this young boy is around that age, And since he was molested by him once before and now 1 year later, still is around that age. (yup going there again) Does the boy like it ?  I am going to say NO.. but that since he was molested  once before, I am sure he has problems.

I am not saying it is right or that its wrong. What I am saying is that I hope the parent has taken this young man to have help. And I would hope the parent would have set down with her child and had a talk about right and wrong. I would not trust  the County Sheriff department  (CSD) to contact me in time. That I would hope that I had explain to my child that the “S.O.” might be out of jail one day and to keep your eyes open.  But clearly the Parent wanted the CSD to take care of the parenting for her. WE as parents need to do what we can to protect our kids. Not the CSD.

One more thing.. I know this kid is to young but I wanted to add. “you can chose to be the victim for the rest of your life or not.”

Another story:   A 17-year-old was given a deferred sentence for having sex with his 13-year-old girlfriend.   Lucas, pleaded guilty in May to lascivious acts with a child. The 13-year-old victim, now 14, said in a statement submitted to court there’s not a day that goes by that she doesn’t think about what happened. She started dating Floyd, then 16, they fell in love and she became pregnant.

Again where was the Parents to this girl?  At the age of 13 they were letting her “date” this young man? You would hope they knew she was dating him. Now this has rune her life and his.   I don’t think I need to tell you more of what I think about this. I am sure you are thinking the same think.

 Now I leave you with another thought. But this one is not mine.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Good Morning

I have been walking all most every day for the past 2 weeks. The town I live in has a real nice Nature trail. I walk with two other ladies, but this week they are both out of town. On Monday I took my dog with me, and then I took him again today.  As we are walking, and since it was such a nice day out, I run into lots of people. As you walk by you say "good Morning" or Hello" That is just the kind of town I live in.

Well today as I am walking, I can upon 3 guys walking. As I pass them we said our greeting and keep on., Non of them would look me in the eye. Then I notice that none of the guys would really look at me,, which is fine.  But this is what was going thought my mind.  I am a single walker, I am not walking with a friend just a dog. As much as the public is scared of the "boogie man", it hits me,, maybe these guy think,,, that I think,, they are the boogie man.  

What they don't know and I wish I could tell them, That I look at all man in a new light, all crimes in a new light. I feel like I know the whole story, not the story the news wants you to hear, But the whole truth. I am not afraid anymore. I now look at these man and give them a big smile and say "Good Morning"

This whole thing, reminds me of a story I heard not too long ago. A kid Birthday party is held at a hand on Museum. All the boy go down the Fireman's pool, but when the girls wanted to go down it,, not one father was welling to catch them as they came down. This is sad.

Also.. How many planes take off and land in one day?  25,000 commercial flights ( I just Google that, it might be true it might not, but you get the idea)  
How many plane crash a day?           2010 there were 130 reported aircraft crashes and 1,115 people died. but majority of these are private aircraft. commercial aircraft have a very low crash rate over private aircraft. there is no real statistic for aircraft crashes a day because they rarely crash, therefore yearly statistics are taken.
How many Car crash in a day?  3,000.

Why am I asking these question? Well let me tell you. We are so afraid of taken a plane trip somewhere, but with the numbers it would be safer to take a plane then to drive. But I want to take those number and turn them into a different question.

How many kids are kidnap  in a day?..   (again Google)  .3
How many kids are kidnap a year?  115
I would ask the question "how many kids live in the US?"

 What I am trying to get at. Let your kids ride his/her bike to school, let them walk to a neighbor’s house. The crime rate is lower than it has been in years.
Get outside yourself,  and say "good morning" to a stranger. You just might make their day.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

A letter

Here is a letter I wish I can mail to someone who will listen and do something.

Dear HERO,

How many man are setting in prison that don't need to be there?
How many life can you make better?
We need to listen to the victims. There are times when they are not telling the truth. 
We need to make girl/woman  countable for their action.Some woman are saying rape just to hurt someone.

I have now met 10 men who need a second chance for one or two reasons. They have learned their lesson or was wrongly accrues. We don't have that many bad people in Arkansas but the PA and judges are too scared to let these men walk free. If anyone with common sense can tell these men should have their life back.
Some are getting help. Which is what they need in the first place instead of prison or probation. Anyone who is on drugs or who has an alcohol problem get help as a first time offense. Think of the money the state could save if you let these men and other like them have a second chance. Get them off the list. They didn't hurt anyone before nor will they ever. Let them have a family. Let them walk around with their head held high. Be proud of themselves  
Stop the shame that is brought on to their family and loves ones.

As a mother, it does me no good to know who is on the list. It does not work. What can I learn from looking at the list? Nothing but put fear in me. Making a man live so many feet away from a school or park is not going to stop the bad guy,  what it does do is keep the good guys who shouldn't  be on the list from taking their own child to the park or watch their child play in a game. It is ruining life.

So please look at the men and woman who are on the list.
Let them go free.
Become a part of society.
Let them show there face in public.

As a mother to one of these men, I wish there was someone who could tell me everything is going to be ok. I don't know if you are the one who can make that happen but I am running out of hope for the life I have always dream for my son.
Thank you for reading my letter, that mean a lot to me.
a mother with a broken heart.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Yup, I 'm going there.

Don't hate me for what I am about to say, Please open you mind up to what you are about to read.

First, I want to say my heart goes out to anyone who loses a child.  That has to be the most worst thing that can happen to a parent.

There has been a lot on the news lately about kids going missing. I am not sure how we can stop the perverts from doing this. I really don't. If someone harm a child they should be locked up for life, But they also need help, the more I read about pervert, Not sure they can ever get enough help.

I have also been reading about kids who died from accidents,  An Aunt keeping her
2 1/2-year-old nephew, he had just learn how to open doors, She think he is safe in the house, when they finally discover he is missing. When they find him later he has drown in a lake. The Aunt was arrested and charged Tuesday with second-degree endangering the welfare of a child. REALLY.. it was an Accident. These thing happen. Yes my heart goes out to the family, but you don't need to Arrest the Aunt.

What is going on in the Nation? A very long time ago.. Cave man days. They would have lots of kids,, just to hope that ONE would make it. I am sure they were sad when they lost one, but they knew and understood "thing like this happen" You get on with you life,, you try to make thing better. And we have. There isn't anything more that Aunt could of done. Oh, but you said she should of been watching him better. Do you want her to stand over him 24/7 ?  Come on, we all know you can't do that. How about the 18 month old who just died? Should we arrest the parents for having a child who could  died? OH but that sound crazy. Well to me its the same thing.

Like I said you may or may not agree with me. But we have gone to far. This is American, People come here to have more freedom. But what we are doing is taken  away freedom from way too many People.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

That my spot

Joe the SO
 Read this first so this part will make sense.

I send my son pages from a blog called JOE.. My son readed this one the other day and then wrote me this part:

"They do the same thing here, but with the Benches. People will put head phones, cups, a pillow on a seat then leave it there. Sometimes without sitting there for hours. It's worse on weekends when they play movies. 3-6 spots will be "saved" for the whole movie. Now, I can see leaving something, headphones/ a cup if your going to the bathroom, but i hate it when it's there 24/7.

Items used to save spots: cups, clothes, pillow, headphone, very expensive $25.00 radio with expensive headphones.

How they don't just get stolen, I have no idea. The best part; I'll be watching TV, and someone will ask if I saw anyone take a cup that was near by. happen at least once a day. Fully agree with the "Twilight Zone" bit.

Sunday, August 7, 2011


Breathe,, take a big breath, and just breathe. Your son is worth every minutes and every hour you put in to help him and others like him. Just Breath!! It will be worth it,, Trust me.
 So this is what is going onI have been working on getting all the email, phone numbers, info on every Arkansas Representatives and Senators on our new web page.   Plus I might, I have not heard yet,  will be doing some work with,    Now I just signed up with   I told them I was willing do what I can. And they took me up on it. LOL  
Am I crazy?  No? Yes?  A mother has to do what  mother has to do. It is going to take more then one group to stop these law and to make changes. I want to be there when it happen. So if this is what I have to do, then I will do it. If I don't do anything and if no one did anything.. well then nothing will be done.
 I do miss the normal days. When I had no worries. But this is the new normal.  It is real hard to get up in the morning and face the day, knowing it was not a dream. Knowing that your son is in a place he shouldn't be in. Knowing that today you need to do something to make his life better once he gets out. To not have to face the new HELL that awaits him. It is so hard to get up and do all of that, to think of that everyday.  I have to grab on to anything that will put a smile on my face or make me laugh. Those are very rare these days. And to anyone who knows me, Know that I love to laugh, to smile, to have a fun time.  I miss my son. he could make me smile and laugh. He would pick on me by telling me how many rolls of Toilet paper I had in the house. If you were to take them and un-roll them how long it would be.  I miss that.  I have never lost anyone real close to me. And I hope I don't for a very long time. The pain that I feel has to be real close to losing someone. Or at least I can understand that a Pain you feel is not like any other  pain. It hurts,, deep down. 

I am not mad at my son. I am more mad at the People who make up these laws.
I just read this tonight. It said it best. : I did not write this.  It was in a newsletter I get from CfcAmerican. I just love the way Amanda wrote this. makes so much sense to me.
crime2:22 am. The kids are all in bed. The house is quiet. I just made a cup of stiff coffee in my Bodum coffee maker and I am sitting here relaxing. Soon it will be time to get up, I really should go to bed in the next hour or so.. as I need to get up at 5 am to get all the kids ready for school and drive them all where they need to be.
I was looking through some graphics I had downloaded so I could send a picture of our new snow to my friend in India when I came across this little depiction. I gave a little chuckle.. really not a funny haha type chuckle, but more of a cruel laugh, an eruption of contempt as I shook my head and found humor in the disgust of it all.
What has this nation of America become?  
I am told the Roman empire fell due to the greed of the people and that our civilization is going the same way. This makes me want to study Rome and the Fall of the Roman Empire. I can see our nation in comparison to Rome in that our people are steeping themselves in the glory of all their bodily lusts... insuring the satiation of all desires to the fullest... no matter if our their New Rome, Amerika burns down from corruption, deceit and injustice around them.
How true the little comic. How childlike the statement, Dad, I am considering a career in organized crime... and the father, in his wisdom responds questioningly.. Government or Private Sector?
But you know, there is an error in that question... 
Those who make up the government are organized crime. Think about it. Citizens slime their way into being politicians, who go off to Washington to vote on bills which if passed, will allow for citizens to be forced to give up their tax dollars to support laws which force companies to purchase the products which the Politicians who got the laws passed, have invested in via the Stock Market... Organized Crime Within the Government.
Here is a theoretical situation.. Government concocts a law, say, the Adam Walsh Act... within it's confines, buried down deep.. is a little one liner, GPS MONITORING FOR ALL UNDER THIS NEW LAW. Now, the politicians who drew up this law know of a company who produce and service GPS monitoring devices... so, they tell the company they will take good care of them when the law passes.. insure their company gets a LOT of contracts for GPS tracking of parolees.. and nasty RSOs. So the politicians, and all who are involved in the new laws buy stock in the companies which will be servicing these new laws.. GPS, Privatized Prisons, Psychiatric Hospitals... the list long.. then the law passes..
All across the nation the politicians wine and dine all the states representatives, the media.. all their contacts to get them to implement the law.. and when they do.. PARTY TIME... Now is the time to start filling those contracts in all cities for all the products which the politicians have invested their hard earned, stolen tax dollars. 
It is a success.. all the states and cities are now purchasing their products.. they all are rich beyond their dreams... hell, they do not even need that huge pension and medical benefits the tax payers are giving them any more.. now, they can ride the Stock Market Boat.....
Yeah, the little cartoon is a twisted funny... but I must ask you, Is there really a difference between Organized Crime and Politics in Amerika?
Amanda K.
 I do hope you like what Amanda wrote. I sure did.
Not sure what this cartoon is talking about, , I can just see a Sex Offender trying to get off the list with his paper in his hand... So it not funny when you put it like that.