Monday, November 14, 2011

cant sleep

I was laying in bed but could not sleep so now I'm up setting in the living room in the dark. The only light I can see is from my phone.

I'm so worried about the phone call tomorrow. I just know they are going to tell me my son need that damn program which takes a year or they are going to tell me that he can come home soon but they are booked up and it could take a year. Yes I have heard this.

So far I have only gotten good news once and that was when he made parole. But that doesn't seem like much now. So I'm thinking the worst. And why shouldn't I. That is all I have every heard since this whole mess stared.

I would love to go back, where life- the only worried I had was to remember to bring home the milk. Life was easy and I didn't know it.

I have done two things that I hope will bring a good outcome for tomorrow.

One day out geocaching. We went to a cemetery. It gave me the creeps I could feel someone did not want me there. So the other day I went back. Since I knew I felt something there. Someone that I could talk to in the Spirit world. That it might help me. I have learn that slaves were buried there , so I thought they would understand my problem, of someone getting the wrong end of the deal that they didn't deserves. Well if any thing it made me feel better. And no it didn't give me the creeps when I went back.

My family thinks I have lost my mind. Do you blame me? A person/mother can only take so much.

The other thing I did to make sure of a good outcome for tomorrow. I bought a roll of stamps. Not a sheet but a roll. So now I hope they set in my office and it takes me for ever to use them.

I really wish someone would hear me and others cries. I read other blog of where women are in the same boat as me. no one will listen to us. I want to stand on top of the highest MT with a mic in my hand Yelling for some one to listen to us. I hope one day SOON that day will come.

I know I can't take any more of this shit and I know neither can the other mothers and wife. Why why why can't someone listen to us and understand the pain we are in for our loves one. Why is it , the only ones who can see and understand that this law isn't working is the one who are caught up in .why? What do I need to do that I haven't all ready done or the other women haven't done to get you to notice that there need to be a change. This whole thing suck!

Even if my son comes home the hell will not be over. We will just be starting a new set of hell. We are hoping for a level one. But who knows what he will get. Why can't they understand just because a person looks at picture does not mean that person wants to go touch. This whole thing is just a mess.

When I read where a county needs more money.  The best way to get money is to ask for sex offender money to better look after them but what they really do with the money is go after the "war on drugs". I have read this a few times. They will come out and say they will use it on the war against drugs. Sex offender don't give the cops a hard time. The cops don't have to worry about the sex offender. It the one on drugs that the cops spends most of their time on.

Another food for thought. Why don't the FBI go after the porn sites and shut them down? How about it's because they are the ones runner the site to begin with. I hope that ones makes you think.

Well I'm getting tried now. Maybe I can go to sleep. But I have to say my heart goes out to 2 fellow blogger. To Peanut and your mother: I do hope things get better for the both of you soon.
To my mother in Florida: wish I had words for you to make the pain go away for your son and you.
I hate that both of you are in this lossy boat with me.
Love to all

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