Monday, December 19, 2011

Where do I start

Its been almost 3 weeks since my last blog.

A lot has happen and not in a good way.  My heart is so broken right now, I am not sure it will ever be fixed. I have giving up on anyone helping me or my son,  I don't believe in Miracles. I never did believe in God but I do believe in Angels. At this time of year, I was hopping for a miracle, and today I found out that the Asshole who can give it to me, won't.

Let me see if I can bring you up to date. My son made parole. It is now all in place. He can't or I should say he can live at our house but we would have to cut off the internet for 4 years. We can't do that with our daughter still living at home and going to college. So my son will move in with my parents. We  got my son a trailer  to live in next door to them. They live out in the county.  We can't part a trailer on our neighborhood. He has to live next to or with family. he can live in the trailer and my parents can still have internet. And yes my son who can't have internet, can walk into my parents house and my house and used the computer. It makes no since to me at all. He just can't own a computer with internet, He can't live in our house where we can watch him, take care of him, or put a monitoring system on our computer. NOPE.. that would make sense.

My son got wrote up again for not raking the leaf right. I will write what my son wrote for the appeal.
I was second to the last in a leaf-raking line. The line and everyone in it started raking and moved about 20 feet forward then the Sargent told us to stop, move back to where we started and stay in the same order we were in. After we moved back, Sargent instructed us to get in the proper formation. right on left and tight up to the man in front. he went down the line and adjusted people as they needed it. When we were done moving, I was still second from the last in line, but because everyone was closer together, I was about 10 to 15 feed closer to the front of the line from where I started. Sargent then said that many people were leaving too many leaves behind, and if he caught anyone leaving leaves "they will get a ticket" I then had the following exchange with the Sargent:
"Rusty is there a pile of leaves at your feet?"
"yes sir"
"well you just got a ticket, you can thank everyone in front of you for fucking you over"
I believe that the Sargent knew that the pile of leaves at my feet was not my fault or responsibility since I was 10 to 15 feet away from them. From the way the line adjusted and him saying "you can thank the people in front of you for fucking you over" I believe the Sargent knew that the leaves in question were not left there due to the any action or lack there of on my part."

So what does this mean? It means that my son got a ticket again. So now he has to go 20 days without extra food, phone calls and now no visits. It will end at midnight on the 26 of Dec. Which is a Monday,  We were going to see him on Christmas day, but now we can't. and since Visit are only on Sunday, we can't see him on Monday.  Like I said above the ASSHOLE who could make this better, said NO, to a crying mother. How can you say no to a crying mother? I has also called the Major, and told HER the story, (this phone call took place about 2 weeks ago. What she did for us, was good, but bad at the same time) She turned the "ticket" into a 20 days without..etc.. instead of 30 days in the hole, which would of added 3 more months to his sentences. And she gave him a different job. He is no longer outside but inside, He is mopping, sweeping. cleaning the sinks in his unit. Which takes him 45  minutes a day to do. Then he has the rest of the day to do what ever he wants. The bad part, she waiting until after my son did his appeal to put this all in actions, so instead it the 20 days starting on the day it happen, it is starting on the day the appeal ended. So that is why I can't see him or talked to him on Christmas day or any day for 20 days.

I know,, I really should be thankful, I know that, but tell that to my broken heart. I should be thankful that my son took a class that moved his release day up 10 days, So now he will be home by February 15.  But this is hard, I want him home now, where I know he will be safe and away from the mean guards.

I know in one of my post, I said I know what it feel like to win a major prize, now I know what it feel like, when someone tells you that the prize comes with consequences.

I have to tell you about the trailer we got him. It is 32 feet long, a big one, with two pulls out. The old owner had taken out the bed, couch, and entertainment center.  We can now add his own bed. Which I know he has missed. We have a loveseat/with build in recliners, that will fit in the space where the old couch went. They took out the stove, and added a real stove/oven. Took out the kitchen sink and add a nicer sink. Put down a new floor. It has a sliding glass door. big closet in the bedroom. a nice shower that is big. All in all, I think it will be fine. I know he will spend most of his time at his G-parents house. But at least he will have a place to have his own stuff. I will be spending time fixing it up for him. Until he is home.

I am so confused right now.  I feel like I am banging my head on the wall over and over again. It hurts, its painful, But I keep doing it. Why? I don't know. I keep hoping that someone will see my doing this and ask WHY? and I can say.. Common sense. where has it gone? Can't you see that putting someone in prison for a sex crimes is not working? They need help. just like someone who is on drugs or alcohol. and the laws and rules don't make sense.  Just like my son, who can't live at my house but can come over while we still have internet, but if he lived here we would have to turn if off. Does this make sense to you/ Me neither. Why can't he live here with us still having internet?, We can watch him. Can you imagine living without internet for 4 years? When this has been your life.  the computer world is grown so fast he will be left behind. Why can't he live here, where we can play board games, watch TV together. But they think it would be a good idea to put him in a trailer by himself, where he will be lonely and broad.  how many young people know how to put the cards on the table to play solitaire?

I have been talking to my Angels, I really hope they are listening, I do hope they have a plan. It is hard for me to see what they have plan for him. I do hope they know what they are doing.