I would like to wake up now. I just feel like I keep banging my head on the wall, hoping that the next time I hit head my head it won't hurt, but it does. When will it stop?
I know I have only been in this fight for a short time compares to others.  I can't only imagine the pain and heart ache they feel. Knowing that they have scream and punch more then I have and are just now seeing some change.

When you listen to the news and I found myself confuses as to how I feel about sex offenders. I know that once they get help they are fine. I know that we have bad guys out there and then we have ones that we don't have to worry about. The news is all over this since the Penn state and now we have another Coach who did harm to 3 boys over 10 years ago. Now we haves guy on a plane looking at pictures.

 Now I am not saying that any or all of these guys did what the media said they did. It is just hard for me to hear these stories over and over again. Nothing changing. Not the views of the media or society. But all we are hearing is the worst of the worst it would be nice to hear a story of a young man doing something "normal" but in a sex crimes way, Then get arrest then maybe then society will be shock of this. Maybe the media will then start looking more into this law and how they effect the sex offender and their family.

One thing i wish would happen is before these guys/gals get arrest that they could find help. Just like someone who does drugs. One problem with this is that so many sex offender are falsely accuse.  So that would be hard for someone to go thought a program when you didn't do any thing. I also wish when the law enforcer question the accuse  they would also question the victims.

Now I wrote the above before I found out all the below:

Got a phone call last night from my son saying he was denied his parole because we have Internet in the house.  What makes me so mad is when I talked to his PO a week ago and told him we had Internet not once did he say that was going to be a problem. I try to met his PO on Monday before I knew the out come but he was off on Monday. But was told he would be in the office at 7 am tomorrow.
His dad and I were there this morning at 7. After waiting a few min. We finally got to see him.  He told us he could not change the rules.  Bull shit!!!  Can you tell I'm mad.

After telling him that we could put a password on our computer.
Take the computer out of his room. But a monitor system on our computer that way they could monitor us. He tells me he will talk to his boss.
I even ask him who I could talk to. The parole board. But instead I called A parole fighting lawyer who is know for his parole expert  He was out of his office but told me to give him the details, He told me they could not keep Steven home just because we have Internet.

After the lawyer made some phone calles. We founds out that the rule to the no Internet is not a parole rule but a SOSEN rule ( they are the one who do the sex offender assessment and rules) our new lawyer can't touch them so we are stuck with that rule. Found out that our son will be a level 2. Not what I wish for but not that bad either. Now we have to find a travel trailer or Rv to park on my parents land. If they will let us do that.

More news. My son called again tonight. This time with tear in his voice. He got wrote up again for something he did not do. He won't be able to call us for 15 days or buy anything any extra food. They seem to be everything they can to break him down. I have to make phones calls tomorrow to save his life.

Can I wake up now? PLEASE I BEG YOU!

5 years, mean 5 years

Yesterday I went around the world and back just with phone calls.  Called Parole..
Me- Need to find out what the Parole board decided on my son"
No clue lady-  "yes it show he made Parole"
Me- I know that allready what else can you tell?
NCL- that its.
DID not tell her this .. But I already knew that!!!!!
Me- so who can I call to find out all the details?
NCL- the prison he is at.

Next call to the prison-
Me, Need to find the results about  my son parole
Guard_ Ok will put you thought
ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring etc..
hung up
15 mins later:
the same think

I did this from 8:30 to 10:30
The next time I called
Me- can I talk to the Warden
G- he is in the deer woods, would you like to talk to the ASS, Warden

Me-  Yes please
Not the Ass, but his clerk. who would not let me talk to the Ass, but gave me another number.

New phone call
Me.. etc..
NICE lady- yes I have them..
me- great, what all can you tell me
 so this is what I found out.  he can't get out this month as he misses the Early kick out date (Gov-Beebe) by 9 days. so the earliest he can get out is February 25 , but it could be later as they have so many coming out.
He does not have to take any programs. Yea!!  not even the one that last a year.
so that is all I learned from her.

Today:
I get a call from his parole Officer that is here in town. He starts telling me everything that my son won't be able to do.
He can't date anyone with kids.
He won't be able to have a computer (iphone, Xbox etc) 
He might not be able to work on our computer. ( NNNOOOOOOO) 
He will have to wear the ankle bracelet for 90 days,
Have to report to the Parole Officer twice a month. (which I'm sure will cost us)
He will have to go to consulting twice a week. (that fine, but I'm sure will cost us) 
He won't be able to go back to college to take computer classes.
The neighbors will be notify (but I will let them know before they get the letter)

I started tell him "how do they want my son to live? get a job? better himself"
The way he told me was- "he got 5 years, so if he was behind bar for 5 years he would not be able to do any of this anyway"
If they don't' take his computer away,, but put all this restriction on anyone and that will just make someone want to back and do bad things.
They could even take our computers away from us. But my daughter has to have it for College, my husband sometime works from home, and look at all I do on here.
So when they say not only Sex offender get a punished so does the rest of the family. I knew that part already  and now you maybe can understand it also.
Also found out that the Parole Officer did not know what level he was but with all the restriction they have put on him sounds like a Level 2.  How low can I go? My heart is so broken right now.
Hope and dreams are gone. I don't want to hear how fast 5 years will go by. In those five year is when a young person finish up college, try to get a job, maybe get married and start a family. I know he will be able to do some of that. But then put all these hoop and road block in front of him and see how hard it is. There will be so many people his age that will be so far ahead of him in life.

I can hear you in the background. "well he did do this?
yes he did and should pay.. I get that.. but don't you think 10 months is long enough to pay for what he did.
" NO" you say,
Well then do you know my son? have you met him? Or you just going by what the media tells you? That all Sex Offender can't change. That all of them are bad people. How many Sex offender have you met?
"none"
Well then I don't want to hear what you have to say. Unless you have either walk in my shoe or met my son. He and other like him are not bad people, they can change. he was 19 at the time. What did you do at age 19 that you hope no one ever finds out.

That is what I though.



I just want to scream. I knew this part was coming, but you know in the back of your mind you just hope,, You just hope that someone will  see how wrong this is.

I keep saying being in prison was the easy part, Now we are looking at a new set of HELL.

I do have two things cooking on the back burning. I hope they help out.

Something has got to happen and not fast enough for me.

cant sleep

I was laying in bed but could not sleep so now I'm up setting in the living room in the dark. The only light I can see is from my phone.

I'm so worried about the phone call tomorrow. I just know they are going to tell me my son need that damn program which takes a year or they are going to tell me that he can come home soon but they are booked up and it could take a year. Yes I have heard this.

So far I have only gotten good news once and that was when he made parole. But that doesn't seem like much now. So I'm thinking the worst. And why shouldn't I. That is all I have every heard since this whole mess stared.

I would love to go back, where life- the only worried I had was to remember to bring home the milk. Life was easy and I didn't know it.

I have done two things that I hope will bring a good outcome for tomorrow.

One day out geocaching. We went to a cemetery. It gave me the creeps I could feel someone did not want me there. So the other day I went back. Since I knew I felt something there. Someone that I could talk to in the Spirit world. That it might help me. I have learn that slaves were buried there , so I thought they would understand my problem, of someone getting the wrong end of the deal that they didn't deserves. Well if any thing it made me feel better. And no it didn't give me the creeps when I went back.

My family thinks I have lost my mind. Do you blame me? A person/mother can only take so much.

The other thing I did to make sure of a good outcome for tomorrow. I bought a roll of stamps. Not a sheet but a roll. So now I hope they set in my office and it takes me for ever to use them.

I really wish someone would hear me and others cries. I read other blog of where women are in the same boat as me. no one will listen to us. I want to stand on top of the highest MT with a mic in my hand Yelling for some one to listen to us. I hope one day SOON that day will come.


I know I can't take any more of this shit and I know neither can the other mothers and wife. Why why why can't someone listen to us and understand the pain we are in for our loves one. Why is it , the only ones who can see and understand that this law isn't working is the one who are caught up in .why? What do I need to do that I haven't all ready done or the other women haven't done to get you to notice that there need to be a change. This whole thing suck!

Even if my son comes home the hell will not be over. We will just be starting a new set of hell. We are hoping for a level one. But who knows what he will get. Why can't they understand just because a person looks at picture does not mean that person wants to go touch. This whole thing is just a mess.

When I read where a county needs more money.  The best way to get money is to ask for sex offender money to better look after them but what they really do with the money is go after the "war on drugs". I have read this a few times. They will come out and say they will use it on the war against drugs. Sex offender don't give the cops a hard time. The cops don't have to worry about the sex offender. It the one on drugs that the cops spends most of their time on.

Another food for thought. Why don't the FBI go after the porn sites and shut them down? How about it's because they are the ones runner the site to begin with. I hope that ones makes you think.

Well I'm getting tried now. Maybe I can go to sleep. But I have to say my heart goes out to 2 fellow blogger. To Peanut and your mother: I do hope things get better for the both of you soon.
To my mother in Florida: wish I had words for you to make the pain go away for your son and you.
I hate that both of you are in this lossy boat with me.
Love to all

We won

I have always wonder what it would be like to be on a show and win a major prize. Now I don't have to wonder any more. I know what it feel like. its the best feeling in the world. To get a prize you were not excepting but in the back of your mind wishing for. I now know. Its a feeling like no other. Pure JOY. 

I guess I should go into detail just in case someone does not know what I'm talking about. My son had his parole Hearing on Thursday. We were ready to speak, did not know what we were going to say. I was ready to get down on my knees and beg if I had to. But after 5 mins, the One guy (parole board) say you can go home. He has to talk it over with 5 other Board members, but I think what every he says will be what they all agree on.We are not sure when, Early this month,, but no later then February.  We find out on the 15 this month.

I have said before that my son gives out the best hugs. I have never gotten a hug like that one before. It had to be the best one EVER!

We also find out soon what level he is going to be. I can only hope that since the Parole Board seem to have some common sense that the Assessment guy will also, I sure hope he can tell (after 3 1/2 hours he spent with my son) that he is not a threat to society, So again I wish for a level one. We will see if I win another prize.

On a side note, My son can't get home soon enough, my computer is in some real need of work. LOL I was starting to look into hiring someone.

Tomorrow

Today was a fun day. It was nice to get my voice out there. Love that we have lots of people call in, really didn't think that many people listen. LOL

Now is when it all comes together. Tomorrow is my son Parole Hearing. I don't know what will happen. This is all new to us. I know we get to say something, What I would love to say is " I know I can't say any thing or do anything to change your minds about the outcome of my son life, but if I could what would you want me to say?"
We have to be at the prison at 8:00 in the morning. So we are spending the night close by. We get to wait with our son as our turns comes up.  We have lots of letter for support. Don't know if it will help but it won't hurt.

Not sure if either one of us will get any sleep tonight.

We won't find out the outcome until when ever they deiced to tell us. Could be by the end of the week, or not until the first part of DEC.

The life of our son is in someone else hands. I hate that part.

I am trying to be strong.  I am going to have to live with the outcome, what ever they say they want my son to do.

I am going to be strong!! I am going to be strong!  This is hard.. but I will be strong. I won't break down, not now when my son needs me the most.

I have change

To my friends, Old one and news ones.

I am sorry. My life has taken me down a road I really don't wan to go down, but will because I believe in my son and want to make his life more easier. You may not like what he did, But if you have ever met my son, you know what a kind, gently soul he is. He would never hurt anyone. So please don't judge him for a mistake he made.  We have all made mistake that we are not proud of.

When you do judge him, I feel like you are judging me as a mom.

I am sorry that the only thing I can talk about is the Sex Offender issue. You have to understand this is my life. I don't go shopping anymore. It's not that I don't want to, its that I don't care to. I have found something more important  to do with my time.  I miss the old life. The carefree, Not a worry, Two great kids.

I still have two great kids,  But I can't brag about them like you can with your kids.  You don't want to here what my son has been up to. How hard he has it. That a Guard keeps writing him up, because he is a Sex Offender, And if he keep writing him up then he will lose his  Class 1. You don't want to here that My son has made a friend Mitch.   You don't want to hear any of that, But that is all I have to talk about.


So I am sorry that this is my life, This is the only thing I can talk about. I am really sorry. I do miss the carefree world I used to live in. But I see the world different now. I see that things need to change, Not just the Sex Offender laws but other laws. We are losing our freedom. I see that, you may not.

My Passion is to make a change for both of my kids and yours. Please try to understand that. The next time you see me, please don't walk away from me, but at least say Hello. You don't have to ask "How I am doing?"  Because you know you will get the same answer from me as you did the day before. "hanging in there"  What I would like to say is. "not doing good at all. I am worry about my son. I am worry about the law and that I might not be able to make a change, That I am losing friends over this. I don't want to be alone in this fright. I want you to understanding the pain I 'm going though."  That I what I wish I could say.


To my new friends, Who understand what I'm going through as you are going though it also. I am not sure what I would do without you. It is nice to be going through this fight with such strong woman.

What you need to know.

What you need to know about sex offender laws.

Like most of you I thought all Sex offender should be lock up for life but that is not the case. Now that I have learned more about these laws, I have change my mind and I hope to change yours.

I have learned that 95% of the people who are Registered Sex Offenders never touched a child. They committed some sort of no-contact or victimless crime that used to be called public indecency but  since the Adam Walsh Act and Megan's Law, these people are being treated the same as rapists.

Why is this so?

The Adam Walsh. Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006, is supposed to (and I'm quoting now) “protect children from sexual exploitation and violent crime, to prevent child abuse and child pornography, to promote Internet safety, and to honor the memory of Adam Walsh and other child crime victims.”

Title I of the Adam Walsh Act, known as the Sex Offender Registration and Notification Act or SORNA, requires people who commit certain crimes to register as sex offenders and classifies them into three tiers:

Tier 3 offenders (the most serious tier) update their whereabouts every three months with lifetime registration requirements, Tier 2 offenders do it every six months with 25 years of registration, and Tier 1 offenders must update every year with 15 years of registration.

By this same law, anyone and everyone who commits a 'sex offense' is a ‘‘sex offender’’ and is required to serve time on the registry after they serve time in jail. The crimes that are listed as sex offenses include: sex trafficking, coercion and enticement, transportation with intent to engage in criminal sexual activity, abusive sexual contact, use of a minor in a sexual performance, solicitation of a minor to practice prostitution, and production or distribution of child pornography.

All sounds good on paper. But the fact is that teenagers who are necking in the back seats of cars and men peeing in bushes or looking at pictures of fully-clothed teenage models on the Internet are being treated the same or worse than if they murdered, raped or sold drugs to a child.

This is nutz!

By calling everything related to sex a 'sex crime' and placing everyone who has ever been convicted of a sex crime on the registry -- whether or not they have ever touched a child -- the Government is making it impossible for parents to identify who is truly a threat and who is not.

Megan's Law is known as the Sexual Offender (Jacob Wetterling) Act of 1994. This is the law that requires law enforcement to make information available to the public regarding registered sex offenders. It requires persons convicted of sex crimes to notify local law enforcement of any change of address or employment after release from custody. Doing all that takes a lot of paperwork and costs a lot of money, but this law has shown NO EFFECT in reducing re-offenses or the number of victims.

And it gets worse.

What this law does is makes us paranoid. We don't let our kids out of our sight. Now we have kids not getting enough exercise because they don't ride their bikes or walk to school. As parents we have become over protective. The crime rate is lower now than it was when we were kids. Just think back to your own childhood. Did you walk to school like I did? Did you ride your bike to the local store on errands for your mother? Did you go out trick-or-treating? Was it fun?

These laws do not help to make things fun. Let me tell you what they have done.

A Sex Offender can be anyone from the age of 4 to 94. Two kids 'playing doctor' – the 4 year old is the victim and the 5 year old is charged. Two teens having consensual sex – both may be charged as being each other’s abuser and victim. You, for taking photos of your granddaughter playing in bubble-bath.

Texas has placed children as young as ten years old onto the registry.

Ten years old!!!

I would not call anyone of these people a Sex Offender. They did not touch or harm a child. So why are they on the list?

Some say it is because the judges, prosecuting attorneys, sheriffs, legislators and other elected officials all want to be re-elected.

They know the best way to do that is to show that they are tough on crime. And, that being tough on sex crime, 'sells'.

They especially don’t want to make the news as being easy on sex offenders. And so they do not talk about these problems. But the problems are even bigger than this.

These sex-offender laws make it so that a person who is registered – even if they have children and a family to support -- can’t get a decent job or live in a family-friendly neighborhood. And remember, this goes for the 95% of the people on the registry who have never harmed anyone.

How is this fair? What good does it do?

People who can't get work end up living on the streets. If a registrant is homeless, it is hard for the law enforcement to find them. This makes them in violation of the registration law, but it is not because they are in hiding, it is because they can’t get a job or find a place to live and they end up on welfare and food stamps, with us taxpayers paying for their subsidized housing as well.

Once a person who has been convicted of a crime does their time in prison, they should be free. They should get a second chance. If they are so great a danger to society that they need to be on a special list and register, maybe they should not be let out of prison at all.

But people who have done stupid or insensitive or immoral things are not criminals and we must stop treating them as such.

The way these laws are right now, fathers can't live at home with their own children, even though the children and wives want them to; children and spouses of registrants are shamed, bullied and humiliated in school; registrants are legally discriminated against, ostracized, shunned and bullied. We need to put a stop to this.. or it could happen to you.